Long Blonde Hair and Eyes of Blue
by Jersey S
Summary: Mimi Suzuhatara is perfect and has inherited the old farm in Mineral Town. Will she succeed at farming? Will all the boys fall madly in love with her? Will readers acknowledge the genre?
1. Falling In Love

**Long Blonde Hair and Eyes of Blue**

The residents of Mineral Town were devastated when the beloved and revered farmer passed away. Everyone knew and loved the old man dearly, but after his funeral, the daunting task of judging a replacement rose for the town. From that day onwards, Mayor Thomas of had been desperately trying to call a replacement.

"I know his dad called and all, but that deadbeat the old man left his farm to is never going to show up, is he?" the midget of a mayor muttered as he heaved himself into his revolving leather chair. His son, a Fred Astaire look-alike named Harris, stood tall in his police uniform. He waited patiently for Mayor Thomas to continue speaking, but the mayor looked too occupied with spinning in place in his chair at a vomit-inducing RPM.

"Dad?" Harris asked calmly, but Mayor Thomas kept spinning. "Dad? Dad. Dad..." His face scrunched up in vexation underneath his cap. "DAD!"

Mayor Thomas clutched the arm of his chair, and was a split second away from tumbling. Shaken up, he stared at his son with a disapproving face.

"What?" he shot back. His son muttered something briefly.

"Why'd you call me here, Dad?" he sighed, a tone of irritability in his voice. "I _know_ that Ogawa deadbeat never showed up, and at this rate he never will. What the hell do you want?"

Mayor Thomas nodded, brushing around in a mess of coloring book pages documented in manila folders and pencil stubs. A smile flashed on his face when he finally fished out a photo, and held it up to Harris.

"My niece," he declared. "Your cousin will take over the farm."

"Mimi?" Harris asked incredulously. "She's lived in the city all of her life! How the hell is she supposed to know anything about farming?" He stared at the picture, groaning. "Jeez, dad."

"She should be here this evening," Mayor Thomas announced, sitting back in his chair and getting back to spinning. Harris threw another groan over his shoulder as he left.

**(line break)**

Mimi Suzuhatara beamed at the sight of the glittering ocean. The warm winds swept her long, golden locks, and the sunbeams glittered and danced in her sapphire eyes. Despite the fact it did not rain before her arrival, a welcoming rainbow hung in the sky over Mineral Town, the quaint village she was just able to discern with her perfect eyesight.

Mimi was clearly the most beautiful girl in the world. She had the perfect body, as determined by the Board of Mattel, along with the fairest, smoothest skin God could bestow upon a sixteen-year-old. Unbeknownst to her, the entire crew of the ferry was overwhelmed by her contagious beauty, and they ogled her as she leaned on the railing and stared with dreamy eyes into the sparkling ocean. The future looked good for Mimi, and once in Mineral Town, she could forget about her tragic past.

At the tender age of two, Mimi's parents were killed in a P.E.T.A protest by horrible, heartless lion tamers. The court's ruling forced Mimi to live with her despicable aunts the city Mimi hated most in all the world: Paterson, New Jersey. However, being a child genius, Mimi applied for an appeal at the age of three and hired the most belligerent lawyer money could buy, and the next year she found herself living in her deluxe apartment in the sky, surrounded by her very own team of subservient servants. But her life took another turn for the worst when Scott, the star quarter back of the high school football team, called her a dirty slut and dumped her for the head cheerleader at prom. Even if Mimi was slated to be Valedictorian of her class and was graduating at the age of fifteen with a full scholarship for Harvard University, she felt she had nothing to live for. Her servants had to stop her from diving off the porch of apartment.

But all that was behind her.

Before Mimi knew it, the ferry pulled smoothly into the dock. She didn't have to worry about the whereabouts of her matching luggage set containing all her material possessions, as the crew worked diligently to bring all her luggage to the shore. As she stepped off the ramp of the ferry, she noticed two very attractive lads were standing on the shore. They were waiting with rose-tinged cheeks, and they promptly introduced themselves when Mimi touched the white sand with her flip-flop clad ballerina feet.

"My name is Cliff!"

"My name is Gray!"

She giggled and blushed at the sight of the two boys. They were the cutest boys she had ever seen, even cuter than all the boys she brought to her yard in her whole life. Cliff and Gray were obviously overwhelmed by her sheer beauty, and they both instantly made up their minds that Mimi was more beautiful than any girl in the village. She even had superb taste in fashion, decked out in a red spaghetti strap tank top and white go-go shorts, both articles of clothing perfectly accentuating her figure.

"We'll take your luggage to your farm, Mimi," Cliff eagerly announced, running up to snatch one piece of the set from the captain of the ferry. Gray followed suit, grabbing the other piece, and said:

"And we can't wait to hear what you'll name it!"

Mimi contemplated a name for a moment, and came to a decision.

"Suzuhatara no Yume no Romansu no Ranchuu."

"Wow!" Cliff whispered, leaning in towards Gray. "She speaks perfect Japanese!" Gray nodded in reply, speculating the possibilities of the quickest way to learn Mimi's native tongue.

**(line break)**

That night, Mimi threw herself into her new fluffy bed, which she promptly redecorated with her purple and pink silk bed set she brought from her deluxe apartment in the sky. She sighed as she looked around at the tiny shack she had to move in to, and turned her attention to her pink iBook.

"No matter how much I feng shui the place, it still sucks," she sighed to herself, typing with her fingers on the right keys. "How could my uncle make me live in such an ugly house? This town is horrible! But I'm glad I met Cliff and Gray. They're both so hot. The hardest thing I have to do here is choose between Cliff and Gray. I think I'm starting to fall in love with them!"

She looked over her nearly incomprehensible typing on her Xanga one last time before she closed her iBook and placed it on the night table beside her bed. Sighing dreamily, she turned out the light and drifted into a lofty slumber.

**(line break)**

**Okay, I wanna be doing this one in short little installments. Not much going on here, anyway. Actually, I wanted this and the rest as a one shot, but the fic was turning out too long. So, I decided on uploading it as a series of mini-chapters. So, with that said, see you in the next mini-chapter!**


	2. I'll Get You, My Pretty!

**Long Blonde Hair and Eyes of Blue**

**xXxXxXxX**

As the sun began painting the sky in a perfect, cool blue, Mimi was dressed and applying the finishing touches to her mascara. She yearned to look her best for Cliff and Gray, getting off her bed to practice her runway walk in front of the full length mirror she brought with her. Her tube top and miniskirt complemented her fair complexion with a hot pink glow, and she loved every second she watched herself walk, turn, walk, turn.

The ringing of the doorbell reminded her that it was time to begin her new day. She bounded happily to answer the door, wondering if it was Cliff or Gray.

"Oh..." she said when she opened the door, frowning down on the Mayor. "Uncle Thomas."

"Mimi!" Mayor Thomas exclaimed, wrapping her supermodel legs in a warm hug. "I haven't seen you since you were five. Did you like the birthday gifts I've been sending you?"

Mimi took a moment to recall every birthday gift her uncle sent her since she was five. But to her, a perfect gift from a relative was no where near as important as getting a gift from a guy.

"Yes, Uncle Thomas," she sighed, blatantly rolling her eyes.

The awkward silence that followed washed over Thomas, and he wasn't sure what to say next.

"So..." he said."Want a tour of the town?"

"No thanks," Mimi replied. With that, she shut the door in her uncle's face.

No more than ten minutes later, the doorbell rang again. Mimi took a moment to acknowledge the ringing, as she continued to cross her room in her runway walk. Without any further delay, she skipped to the door and pulled it open to reveal a handsome man dressed in a white lab coat. Mimi eyed him up and down, letting out a satisfied "hmm" at first look.

The man noticed Mimi running her eyes all over him, and said:

"As soon as I heard you moved here, I came to give you a tour of the town." He paused, letting his thin lips meet and part as if speaking. "Also, I need to make sure you're healthy."

"I'd love to go!" Mimi instantly replied, bouncing on her heels. With that, the Doctor turned on his feet and motioned with his head for Mimi to follow him.

**xXxXxXxX**

Their tour started peacefully, that was, until they crossed the town square hand-in-hand. Mimi noticed a short-haired girl coming down the intersecting road, and as she came closer, the unfortunate blonde felt violated by the stranger's furious eyes.

"You BITCH!" she declared with an accusing finger as she stepped up to Mimi. With that, she forced Mimi back with a two-armed shove to the chest, nearly sending the girl toppling. But Mimi managed to regain her balance, and shot back at the girl.

"Oh yeah?" she asked. "Well, you're the bitch, _bitch_!"

"Yeah, Elli," the Doctor added. "You're just jealous because Mimi's so fabulous."

Elli's face contorted in malicious vexation as she clenched her fists at her sides. With a glare ripping through Mimi's eyes, she said:

"Well, I'm going to tell all the other girls that you're a dirty slut, and ruin your reputation here!"

Mimi gasped.

"Oh no!" she cried. "Not my wonderful reputation! That's the most important thing I have!"

"That's right, my pretty!" Elli cackled, her eyes widening. "I'll get you one day!" And with that said, she turned and darted out of sight.

"That witch!" Mimi exclaimed.

"We have to stop her!" the Doctor said. He looked at her with a resolute face and said: "Let's go!"

**xXxXxXxX**

**Oh dear. Will Mimi and the Doctor be able to stop Elli? (What a turn this story has taken. Oh boy.) Thanks to everyone (Majo Pon, AppleGoddess, azn anime addict, Cassie, Quack-Wabbit, RWT, anime26angel, …, Krazie4Christ, Fairy Friend, flame mage, and naiLAUG) who read and reviewed. To answer a few questions: Yes, this fic is meant to be entirely OOC, and it's a parody, which pretty much means it makes fun of something established, in this case, the type of fics known as Mary-Sues. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. See you next time!**


	3. Twister: V2

**Long Blonde Hair and Eyes of Blue- The trashiest five minutes of Harvest Moon fanfiction**

xXxXxX

Meet Ann. Unfortunately for our devastatingly beautiful heroine Mimi, Ann had a hot secret admirer named Cliff. Of course, Mimi never worries about the competition, even if many blondes get hot and heavy around Cliff at first sight. Cliff is so hot that when he walks, the ground nearly catches on fire underneath his sexy feet. And just as Mimi's wonderful luck usually turned out, Cliff was at his table in the Inn when she and the Doctor entered in pursuit of the evil witch, Elli.

"Damn!" the Doctor hissed upon a brief inspection. "This is the tenth building we checked. She must've flown off on her broomstick to her secluded mountain hideaway by now to worship Satan, eat babies, and listen to Yoko Ono CDs like she always does!"

Mimi groaned before turning to the Doctor with pleading eyes.

"We can't give up now!" she declared in her sluttiest voice. She lunged forward to grab his arms, but he just watched her breasts bounce. "We MUST stop that evil, evil bitch, for she is plotting to ruin my wonderful reputation!"The Doctor remained focused for a good minute as Mimi stood resolutely. But despite her shimmering, alluring eyes, he said simply said: "Can you bounce a bit again?"

Before Mimi could bounce for him, someone gushed with a squeal from behind her. The hot guy radar blipped rapidly from within her, never off the mark, for Cliff stood before her with his hands cupped over his pants.

"Mimi Suzuhatara!" he declared. "I love you!"

"You do?" Mimi beamed. She threw her arms around him with a thrust. "I love you too, Cliff! After all these years, I finally found my true love! We can get married and make babies!"

"NO!" the Doctor roared from behind, grasping his chest and breathing heavily. "I thought you loved ME!"

"And ME!" a third voice declared from above. Before everyone else knew it, Gray leapt heroically from the upstairs landing. He landed with a fierce growl, wasting no time to lunge at Cliff with a box cutter. Mimi ducked and hid under a table, but made sure to hunch in the optimum position for revealing her cleavage.

"I'LL KILL YOU, CLIFF!" Gray screamed as he kept Cliff pinned on the wall with a powerful arm. "EVEN IF YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! I'LL CASTRATE YOU!"

With seemingly one motion, the Doctor ripped off his lab coat and button-down. The sight of his washboard abs fascinated Mimi, plunging her further into the pits of confusion. All the boys were hot, sweaty, manly, and hot.

"Who do I choose?" she cried to herself. She sniffled and watched the Doctor brandish his scalpel before he pounced on Cliff and Gray. But nothing could stop her tears from falling, just as nothing barred her from leaping out from under the table.

"STOP IT!" she scolded, sparkly tears leaping from her eyes. "STOP FIGHTING, ALL OF YOU!" She caught their attention. "You can ALL have me!" she declared as she thrusted her arms outward.

She stood, desperately hoping her words would tame the hormonal boys. Finally, she heard the sounds metal hitting the floor, and the relief washed over her. Her eyes bounced from her true love to the other two hot guys, and she declared.

"We should have an orgy to prove we're all friends!"

The three boys exchanged approving looks.

"Sounds good," the Doctor said.

"I'm in," Gray chimed.

They looked to a profusely sweating Cliff for his answer. Before he could say anything, his eyes rolled into his head. The others cringed when he hit the floor on his back with a painful-sounding thud. With that, they circled him, all crouching to get a better look.

"What happened to him, Doc?" Gray asked as he examined Cliff up and down. The Doctor shook his head when Gray turned to him.

"Tsk tsk. Loss of blood," he told Gray. Gray's brow furrowed from under his cap.

"But we didn't even stab him," he replied. The Doctor pointed to his own forehead and ran his finger down most of his body.

"Loss of blood," he repeated sternly. Then he stood, turned to Mimi, and said: "So, let's get that orgy started." Gray looked at the two and shrugged.

"Okay."

Meanwhile, Ann and Gray's alleged love interest, Mary, stood in the corner.

"Wanna join the orgy?" Ann asked Mary.

"No, sir," Mary replied, adjusting her glasses.

So they watched as the three entangled themselves in a semi-naked, slobbery game of Twister on the floor.

xXxXxX

But little did they know, Elli had made her drunken way through the grounds of the Suzuhatara no Yume no Romansu no Ranchuu with a few of her emptied bottles of gin dropped along her path. She staggered to stand at the center of the fields, brandishing a can of lighter fluid to twenty cows and sheep grazing on the fields. Then she pulled out her cigarette lighter.

After smoking two cigarettes and a cigar-sized blunt, she popped the top off the can and ran about the fields, soaking the grass and the crops. Once she finished dousing everything, she stood back and surveyed the field. Then she threw her head back and let her maniacal laugh ring through the air while she grabbed her lighter once again.

xXxXxX

**Yikes. Sorry that took so long, guys. A few of you know I wasn't feeling amoral enough to post this chapter. But bullocks to that. Now you can't unread it. Bwahahaha.**

**Shout-outs to everyone who read, and the reviewers. Cool to see new readers to. Glad you guys enjoy this!**

**To answer azn anime addict's question, the deal with the term Mary-Sue is it's used to describe a non-canon (in other words, fan-created) character who's capable of most everything, including seducing all the hawt canon characters. Pretty much, Mimi epitomizes the Mary-Sue.**

**Until next time, guys. Happy Thanksgiving!**


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